JOIN NOW Executive producer David Lynch played a pivotal role in Lotje Sodderland's recovery, as explained in this documentary. All rights reserved. Upon returning home, Mrs Tan, who was once fluent in English, Mandarin, and Teochew, would practise speech and language exercises up to eight hours a day with her husband to regain her communication capabilities. Thisheartfelt documentary is an honest portrayal of the process of re-learning to live with a broken brain, ofhuman fragility and vulnerability, of persisting in the difficult journey of recovery through series of setbacks and bad news, of dealing with uncertainty of whether things will ever get better orwhether, instead, they will get worse, of realizing that there are many questions that have no definitive answers or clear explanations. She managed to get herself dressed and stumbled to a nearby hotel, before blacking out completely. Since the stroke, I've had to really transform my lifestyle and accept that things are going tobe very different. At the same time, having tamed my hyper-sensitive receptors through daily meditation, wouldnt it be just like the old me to risk it all in the name of adventure? When he dropped me off at the station I said: Ithink were going to fall in love, and he said: Ithink so, too.. I took meditation and mindfulness classes at a Buddhist centre near my home. We seeLotje struggle with the first sessions of cognitive evaluation and speech therapy, the embarrassment from not being able to remember simple word, her nervous laughter, her apologies for not making a lot of sense, her courageoussmile turning into uncontrollable tears of frustration and sadness. Sophie, when Lotje got in touch, what did you think?SOPHIE ROBINSON: I was in the middle of an edit of another film. It was like waking up on a new planet that was strange and frightening; beautiful and overwhelming. [8], Netflix started streaming the film as a Netflix Original worldwide on March 18, 2016.[9]. I had to. I think its quite unusual to survive if you're by yourself and have a brain haemorrhage -as it's almost impossible to have the ability to figure out what to do. What does your life look like now?LS: My life is really good now. Starring: Sophie Robinson, Lotje Sodderland Watch all you want. Then one night she woke up with a pounding headache; stumbled out of her apartment, where she lived alone; and came to days later in the hospital. During Aphasia SGs movie event at The Projector in November 2019, she bravely agreed to be a part of the post-show panel on stage to share her experience and answer questions from the public. After waking, I was diagnosed with aphasia, which affects your cognition and communication skills, and homonymous hemianopsia-meaning I'dlost almost all the vision in my right eye. Some other friends, however, found it uncomfortable to hang out with an ill person or be around death. How does he know all this stuff?. I enjoy silence now, otherwise I cant sleep - my brain cant close down if has too much input during the day. It left her initially unable to read, write, speak or think coheren. Videos Because I still cant read. Lotje, theres a turning point in the film, when you decide to stop seeing yourself as limited and instead start focusing on the possibilities. But from that first interview she did on camera, my hairs stood up on my neck.". I have no idea how I walked down four flights of stairs, orhow I found myself across the street in a hotel, trying to ask the receptionists for help. Her experience of long-term recovery is all the more poignant in light of a damning new report from the Stroke Association - published to coincide withStroke Awareness month- which says thousandsof victims are abandoned after their initial treatment,and don't receive the support they so desperately need. The timetable was strictly regimented: psychotherapy, neuropsychology, occupational therapy, language therapy and physiotherapy. I was conscious, but there was nothing there: no thought, no logic, no reason. But after a few months, the intense regime soon got taxing on the couple. I remembered being put on a stretcher as paramedics asked the standard questions: what was my name? He experiences anoxia resulting in brain damage. A language therapist asked me to write down a story idea, and then to tell her the story using my written notes to guide me. It was decided I would go and live with my mother. A house cleaner desperately searches for her husband as a dreaded criminal syndicate dredges up past tragedies and ultimately drives her to violence. Now, he says, I dont interact with people in the same way, that I have become introspective. (laughs), I had to figure out for myself that I was never going to be the same as before and find out how can I work with the new me and see the beauty and positivity in my new limitations.. But I said nothing, swimming through torrents of wordless creosote, fearing my speech would be unintelligible. I would spend every day for a month at the Institute of Neurology in Queen Square in London, where live electrodes would be strapped to my head, zapping my neurones into submission. Lotje Sodderland at the Royal London hospital in 2011. After two days in an induced coma, with emergency surgery to my parietal and temporal lobes, the parts of my brain wherelanguage and perception are housed, I woke up in aworld I didnt recognise. When you were filming yourself on your phone, did you think of that footage as something you might eventually make use of?LS: No. A bullet hits his right frontal lobe, and another hits the left subclavian vein in his chest. I felt elated to have been able to share it, and at making the therapist laugh. : Directed by Stephen Finnigan. Lotje Sodderland is known for My Beautiful Broken Brain (2014), Limbo (2021) and Can You Rebuild My Brain? At the age of 34 Lotje Sodderland suffered a stroke that almost killed her but left her with a fascination with the science that saved her life. Whitney Houston had recently died, so Ichose to tell the story of the time my friend Flora lived out a teen fantasy to go to Star Trax atthe Trocadero in Piccadilly Circus, to record avery warbled IWill Always Love You. 10.6k Followers, 1,026 Following, 1,325 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from Lotje Sodderland (@lotje____) There was a man wheeling me around and I spoke to him - but it didn't seem like he could hear what I was saying. "Having lost the ability to create a linear narrative it became really important to me to tell this story," she says. I had the camera with me, and there and then we said, Should we just try to do a bit of filming now and see what it feels like for both of us? Thedrugs numbed my brain, but I was paranoid and panicked. Join Facebook to connect with Lotje Sodderland and others you may know. Eventually, hours later, I managed to get to the hotel across the street and was found unconscious in the toilets. So I better not have faith in anything. I was found unconscious on the toilet floor at 1pm that afternoon. At age 34, film director Lotje Sodderland was struck by an intracerebral haemorrhagic stroke after a night out with her friends. CRTEX - BRAIN, CONSCIOUSNESS AND THE REALITY OF THE EGO. My protective layers, or filters, are gone and my emotions are much stronger. Meeting with fellow patients has helped in rebuilding Mrs Tans confidence. I remember the cognitive psychologist drawing a diagram to indicate where on the scale my old intellect had been, and where it was now. Start your Independent Premium subscription today. Lotje describes herself as hard-working, a traveler, someone who has lots of friends, someone who loves to read. Her doctor explains that the paths between her visual areas and her language areas are broken. The extraordinary documentary takes you on a journey inside Sodderland's mind, using special effects to recreate the distorted vision she experienced as a side-effect of the stroke and the pulsating colours and strange visuals that became her new normal. Lotje Sodderland makes candid, vulnerable films laced with pathos and humour. I didnt know it yet, but I was experiencing anunprovoked bleed to my brain a stroke. It seemed entirely impossible that I would be able to love someone else and even more improbable that someone would love the damaged new me. My occupational therapist, a kind and patient woman and self-proclaimed luddite, helped me relearn how to use my laptop, and suddenly, to my surprise, my body remembered how to touch-type. The initial goal of 30,000 was exceeded by 7340. EMMY AWARDS. She helped me figure out the navigation system on my iPhone, which meant Iwould be able to walk around without getting lost. "I remember it just felt like I was on the moon and looking down on everything," she tells me by phone, having just landed back in London after showing the film at SXSW festival in Austin, Texas. The first ability I regained was speech. He knows putting his name on it would help us in terms of getting the film recognized. Mit: . I had met friends at the pub, headed home around 10pm, watched the news on my laptop and gone to bed. Imanaged to call him and he found mefive minutes later, crouching on the floor outside myflat. My discharge date arrived in early April, but though Iwas out of hospital, my mind was stuck on my limitations. Sodderland co-directed the multiple award-winning feature film 'My Beautiful Broken Brain' (executive produced by David Lynch), which is her own . JOIN NOW Executive producer David Lynch played a pivotal role in Lotje Sodderland's recovery, as explained in this documentary. Lotje: One of the therapies I found very useful was Occupational Therapy. Large parts of the film consist of material filmed by herself on her iPhone. I earn a living that way, but I no longer read and write. JOIN NOW Executive producer David Lynch played a pivotal role in Lotje Sodderland's recovery, as explained in this documentary. She did the tea and toast test on me, and this time Ipassed. He has only ever known me in my new incarnation, and who knows -he may not have liked the old me. With the help of my Occupational Therapist, I could go to the bank, take out money and manage my bills which gave me a sense of accomplishment. But it also helped me to recover the narrative aspect of my mind and brain -the ability to tell stories, in a visual way. Lotje: When an illness like that hits suddenly, it is very difficult for a person to adjust to the new condition as you lose all the elements of who you are job, independence, and even your ability to communicate. Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. Almost as an excuse, Lotje explains: I was a prettynormal, busy, kind of a clever person. This year, I told my husband that I have a new goal I want to be able to argue with him. A white name tag was strapped around my wrist. I didnt knowhow to rest and allow my thoughts to subside. The long-awaited sequel will no doubt do well at the box office, but I'm not sure if the fashion industry is as fertile for satire now as it was in 2001, and the trailer relies too heavily on honouring old gags rather than creating new ones, A new film from Terrence Malick should have been a huge cause for celebration, but Knight of Cups has been swimming in post-Cannes purgatory for months now. .LS: I did. David Lynch plays an interesting role in this narrative. Mr Tan shared: We started going for Chit Chat Cafe in May and got connected with more people for extra support It was fortunate as around this time, I got into a road accident and broke three bones in my foot. Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. He basically said how excited he was by my brain. I had to figure out for myself that I was never going to be the same as before and find out how can I work with the new me and see the beauty and positivity in my new limitations., Keeping love fun even when illness strikes, Lotje Sodderland on finding her limit-less possibilities after acquiring aphasia. It is run by a team of dedicated speech therapist volunteers. International Documentary Film Festival Amsterdam, "SXSW Film Review: My Beautiful Broken Brain", "My Beautiful Broken Brain: The amazing collaboration of David Lynch and a woman who 'video-selfied' her stroke", "My Beautiful Broken Brain review - moving study of life after stroke", "At SXSW, a Woman Who Had a Stroke Turns Director", "Netflix Picks Up 'My Beautiful Broken Brain' Documentary from David Lynch", https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=My_Beautiful_Broken_Brain&oldid=1098836516, Short description is different from Wikidata, Pages containing links to subscription-only content, Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License 3.0, This page was last edited on 17 July 2022, at 18:34. I was so sad to be slow and stupid again. 34 year old Lotje Sodderland's personal voyage into the complexity, fragility and wonder of her own brain following a life changing hemorrhagic stroke. Around April, I also started researching community groups and found Aphasia SG.. I started working with the abilities that I regained and that I retained. I had faltered, and the words were gone Then Iblacked out, consumed by a four-hour convulsive seizure. . I didnt sleep for days. I didnt even know what assessment meant, or what I was being assessed for. Colours were brighter, sounds louder and emotions more raw. Had I disappeared? I would then spend a further 140 minutes a day on the laptops visual and sonic word repetition training app. A sketch of the monsters she saw in visions and dreams. I went to see some fireworks with friends in the evening, followed by a trip to the pub, and returned to my flat at around 10pm. I had to figure out for myself that I was never going to be the same as before and find out how can I work with the new me and see the beauty and positivity in my new limitations. He shared: Im thankful for my friends for stepping in even my friend in Iran offered positive messages to my wife. First, the research assistant would measure my skull to make sure it wasnt growing or shrinking (it wasnt). I thought I was talking to them, but they didnt reply. It later turned out that my stroke had been caused by a rare developmental malformation of blood vessels in my brain: something like this could have happened at any time. She doesnt try to make it sound romantic. Soon after Iwas born, my parents broke up, and my mother, my older brother, Jan, and I moved three times before I was 16, when we ended up in London. You wrote a beautiful piece for The Guardian about a year ago about what happened to you . Can you put your hands on your shoulders? I didnt know what shoulders were. To revist this article, visit My Profile, then View saved stories. When film-maker Lotje Sodderland had a severe stroke, she lost the ability to speak, read, write or think coherently. Youve expanded, he said. I learned to recognise and forgive the subtleties of my mind, the states of paranoia, fear and anguish, and to tame them. But I felt like I was in the world he created in his films. Lotje Sodderland was a digital producer at a hip London creative agency when she suffered a stroke that decimated her language skills and threw her sensory perception into disarray. Iyearned for solitude. By making videos and telling the story of his stroke, David found that he was able to visualise the physiological progress he had made and still needed to make. Mr Tan quit his job and poured his heart into finding the best care for his partner by doing his own research and seeking the advice of family and healthcare professionals. I was almost back to square one. Another change is that Ican access the creative part of my brain more easily. I didnt need much sleep, and really enjoyed overdoing it at work and play. Every three minutes and 27 seconds, someone in the UK has a stroke. 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